Old School Internet

My internet troubles have now come to resemble a saga of epic proportions. We now have a phone line (thank you Bt - we only had to wait a total of two months). And should finally have a wireless broadband package by december.

So, until then, I am stuck using this internet cafe.

And what a charcter building experience this is. The cafe is basically the front room of a guy's house. There are about 10 computeres in here. The newest, I would estimate, is about 20 years old. In fact these computers are so big, not one can have been made any earlier than the mid-80's.

Eacgh computer is precariously balanced on coffe tables. Most of these are missing at least one leg (some helpful bricks, and in one case a pile of mouldering newspapers is the replacement)and due to the vast size of the computer there is no room for either a mouse, or a keyboard.

So, the keyboard is balanced on my lap. The mouse is on the floor. Although I must be careful when reaching down for the mouse as my chair has three normal legs, and one, and no I am not joking, about a third shorter than the rest. It's a bit like being on a rocking chair. But less stable.

Today I have been lucky. As only two of the keyboards actullay have a full range of letters, often you have to wait for one to come free if you are indulging in activities such as writing a blog. Sometimes I've thought I can get away with it, but if the missing letters are "a" and "d" it really is impossible. There is one keyboard which is missing an "@" - fine, except for that all important internet acitivity of emailing (although, saying this, the internt here is so slow, that someytimes I wonder if it would perhaps be less stressful and more time efficient just to post a letter).

Periodically throughout my stay in here I am offered by the mute owner, "carribean coffee". As far as I can tell it is just two heaped teaspoons of kenko coffee and some hot water in a chipped mug. It's no tea at the Savoy.

ALl in all though, I shouldn't complain. Last time I was here I stayed for 2hrs, printed off about 20 pages, and was only charged £1.

Pet Peeve

I think I am fairly tolerant.

I do not mind queuing. I have no problem with loud noise, or being woken up. I don't even get cross when my toilet seat is left up.

However, I recently discovered that when it comes to being put on hold, I lose all human rationality, and come to resemble a dragon.

Having recently moved to a new flat, I have no phone line and hence no internet. So I made an appointment with bt.

For two days I wait in, and by the end of day 2, Mr. bt has failed to make an appearance.

Ok. Fair enough. It is not the end of the world. I shall call up and see what can be done.

Well. After 2 hours (yes TWO WHOLE HOURS) of being on hold. And having listened to the most appalling 90s musical collection. And being transferred to 6 different people/departments, each more useless than the previous, I no longer appear a member of the human race.

My eyes are bloodshot. My face is bright red. I am screaming at probably-extremely-nice-under-normal-circumstances Angela a list of expletives so horrific they should not be repeated. And my boyfriend has retreated to the street outside - he can no longer endure the stress levels.

The phone conversation is useless. Nothing gets accomplished. Nobody knows what has become of Mr. bt. In fact, there is apparently no communication between the people in the bt office, and the engineers (WHY???). And then there is the final straw.

"Now Miss Howe, if we could take a landline number for you, we could call you back and arrange a new appointment".

The stupidity levels are astounding.

After a good sit down, cup of tea and some regulated breathing I returned to normal. Yet, even the process of writing about this endurance test is enough to get my heart rate up again.

And if it ever gets resolved, if I ever get a phone line, the internet, any connection to the outside world, I shall let you know.